This blog is from the writer's book "My Hair . . . My Marriage which was published in 2013.
I have always been one of those girls who would follow people through a store just to figure out what they were wearing in their hair or what they'd done to it. Usually, I don't have a problem with this because of my southern roots. Being from the South, I will strike up a conversation with just about anyone. Once you have given me the information, I will always try to find an inexpensive way to get it done. Some people would say today that I was cheap, but I call it wanting to look like Hollywood on a Norwood budget.
It's true that I have had an ongoing affair with hair all of my life. But this time I fell hard. I fell in love with extensions. I had to have them. I wanted that beautiful, curly, wavy, full head of hair. I would fantasize about this hairstyle as I watched 'A Different World' and 'Living Single' in the late nineties. How could I get this hairstyle? And then a woman walked into the church. She had the type of hair that I wanted. She was wearing the style that I wanted. God was with me that day. God heard my prayer and gave me the desire of having that beautiful head of hair. After much discussion, the woman stated that although she did not do her own hair, she could do my hair. All I had to do was buy the hair!
I was now off to buy packs of hair. I had the vision; she had the skill and expertise. I was on my way to having a head of hair that would at least have me looking like . . . never mind. I should have known that I was in trouble when it took her only two hours to do my hair. This process requires tiny braids, and it usually requires four hours.
When I got up out of the chair in my family room, I wanted to cry. My head did not look like what I envisioned. It looked like a recently plowed field that was being prepared for planting. You could see every part and the place where each extension was braided to the hair. It did not loo like her head. I thanked her, gave her a holy hug, and said good-bye, and cried. What would I do? I was going out of town on Monday and it was already Saturday evening. I would need to call my hairstylist, swallow my pride, and see if she could fix this mess or at least take it out.
When I arrived at her shop that night, she shook her head and asked, "What were you trying to accomplish?" "Who did you use to accomplish this?" and "What were you thinking?" She called in one of her stylists, who stated that he would come over on Monday morning and work his magic for me. He would try to make me presentable before I left for my trip. It would not be a Different World look, but at least it would be an improvement. He rescued me and I learned a valuable lesson: Leave it to the experts who are licensed, trained and experienced in their profession.
In marriage there will be times when you hit a cycle of problems that your girlfriend, mother, sister, boyfriend, or best "boo" cannot help you with. There may come a time when you need to find professional help. It is the big C____, not cancer, but counseling. Some things in our marriages will require "sittin' on the couch." There is no shame in doing this. It is realizing that God has people who are called, trained and equipped to help us navigate through deep waters when we are in trouble.
When we are facing problems in our relationships and marriages, don't be afraid to make that phone call and say you need help. I learned a valuable lesson that weekend that put me back in my trained stylist's chair. They were able to clean up what I had messed up.
There will be times in our marriages when we need help to restore, renew and refresh. There will be times when we need help straightening out things that we have messed up, but please, leave it to the experts!